The Cousin We've All Grieved a Loss For
The Cousin We Have All Grieved a Loss For
5 Steps to Process Grief
Photo: Awol Erizku for GQ
“”Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” - Romans 12:15 ”
The culture is grieving right now and honestly, I am too. The unexpected death of Nipsey Hussle, affectionately known as "Neighborhood Nip" has put a lot of the world on pause. Earlier this week, the Grammy-nominated music artist was murdered outside of his apparel store and retail complex in South Los Angeles. Regardless if you were a fan of his music, his influence and impact on the culture are undeniable. The love he showed for his family was awed and adored. He and Lauren were the sweethearts of the industry and admirably recognized as "relationship goals" by fans. He was an advocate for youth mentorship, investing in entrepreneurship, creating wealth in our communities, and using his platform to encourage positivity. Nipsey led the life he often preached about and it inspired an entire generation.
I truly think his death has grieved so many because Nip reminds us of the cousin we all have lost. The cousin everyone was rooting for. The cousin that was a little rebellious, reckless, who found themselves in and out trouble, but you loved just the same. Nipsey didn't make apologies for who he was. He knew the struggle of the streets, gang life and vividly shared those experiences in his music. He also shared his transformation - how he changed the direction of his story and lived to change the direction of others as well. His life was more than a rags to riches fairytale. Unfortunately, it ended through the very mindset and actions he often spoke against - community cannibalism and gun violence. In fact, that is what makes his story so relatable and grief even more tangible. How many of us have lost a cousin, a brother, a friend to the hands and barrel of another? Senseless deaths that impacts the lineage of generations. We're also brokenhearted the unfinished love story between him and Lauren will never be told. A wife and children left to bear the brunt of this pain. The harsh reality she is now thrust into seems cruel beyond unusual punishment.
Grief is hard and Nipsey's death may have actually reopened some old wounds for all of us, personally and as a community witnessing an unprecedented number of public assassinations of black men. All these emotions amount to an unbreached depth of hopelessness. So, where do we go from here?
Later the same chapter of the aforementioned verse above closes with this: Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21). Let's delve into intentionally dealing with grief and how to mourn gracefully.
1. Reaffirm Trust in God
(John 16:33 & Psalm 103:19)
Grief will test your faith to a new level. There is so much we still have left to say, more time we wish we could have cherished, and so many questions left unspoken. Yet, it must be acknowledged we do not have all the answers, but God does. He doesn't "lose" a life and isn't caught off guard by death like we naturally are. Remember God is sovereign and always in control.
2. Don't be Afraid to Mourn
(Psalm 34:18 & Psalm 147:3)
We can't skip the process to mourning. Even when it feels like a whirlwind after a loved one passes, the weight of emotions will catch up to you once life begins to settle back in. Be sad. Cry. Release the frustration. Seek therapy. Take your time through it. Don't try to hide your grief. Embrace the vulnerability, even if you are the strong friend.
3. Honor the Purpose Fulfilled
(Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, & 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)
Death always takes us by surprise. No matter how prepared we are or if it was unexpected, death always comes too soon. Graduating college, enjoying marriage, raising a family, best friend weddings, living their dream career - we assume guilt for the deceased not able to live through life's milestones. We're devastated by the unfulfilled potential and expectations we place on a person's life. But have we considered the purpose God placed on them? Potential pales in comparison to purpose. We are all here waiting on our day to be called. Our time is too limited to be chasing potential and not living in the purpose we're called to.
4. Close the Door to Bitterness
(2 Corinthians 10:5 & 1 John 4:18)
It's natural to feel angry, hopeless and maybe even a bit fragmented - like you're missing pieces of yourself. It's in our flesh, but we have to intentionally reprogram our thoughts and the way we process them. Identify the root of the bitterness. Do you blame yourself or have survivor's guilt? Is the cause of death because of an aggressor? Did the death trigger a sense of abandonment? Are you angry with the deceased? Are you angry with God? Death can affect us in so many different ways, both immediately and more subtly over time. Make it a priority to speak with a professional. It helps to safely and constructively release your thoughts and get yourself out of your own head. Bitterness is a prison only love has the key to unlock. You deserve to be in a mental place of peace and wholeness.
5. Preserve Your Loved One's Legacy by Owning Yours
(Hebrews 12:12-17 & Revelation 21:1-21)
Guess what? You are still here. There's still more life for you to live! Resubmit yourself to God. What does that look like? Acknowledge God as Lord and Savior. God has taken care of our salvation and gifted us a helper in the Holy Spirit to accomplish our unique destiny in this earth. We can't navigate this complex world on our own. Allow this moment to usher you into a new dependency on God. Love harder. Pray frequently. Give freely. Heal quickly.
Grieving isn’t easy, but do not allow yourself to believe it is insurmountable.